winter blues – Judy Belmont | Belmont Wellness https://belmontwellness.com Sat, 05 Jan 2019 15:30:15 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.9.4 10 Ways to Finally Achieve Unshakeable Self-Esteem https://belmontwellness.com/10-ways-to-finally-achieve-unshakeable-self-esteem/ Sat, 05 Jan 2019 15:30:15 +0000 https://belmontwellness.com/?p=4775 Read More »]]>

Embrace your greatness by following these ten tips to unshakeable self-esteem!

 NOTE: This guest blog was just featured in Sparkpeople

, Judith Belmont, M.S., L.P.C.

Think back on the last three or four goals you set for yourself. Did they have to do with your physical appearance or career? Chances are the answer is yes. Wanting to lose weight, get fit, get a promotion, eat healthier or be more productive are all admirable goals, but when did we lose sight of making our emotional health and wellness a priority?

As a psychotherapist for more than 40 years, I have been struck with finding time and time again that the one key factor that underlies our sense of happiness and wellbeing is not what we achieve “out there” but rather it is our underlying sense of self-esteem that makes or breaks our sense of wellbeing. It is the underlying filter that we see the world. If we don’t truly love—or even like—ourselves, nothing from the outside will truly fill the void from within.

If you are like most of my clients over the years, the phrase, “I’ll be happy when…”  typically ends with responses such as “I’m thinner”, “I get in better shape”, “I find a mate”, “I get a better job”,  “I get a promotion”, ” I have children”, “I move” or “I have more money”. What do responses all have in common? They all assume that things on the outside hold the key to happiness. Many successful, witty, attractive people who by society’s standards “have it all” lack inner self-confidence and self-esteem, though. Losing weight, getting fit, earning a promotion or finding a mate are all great, but they do not ensure anything more than a temporary high if a nagging sense of low self-esteem still lurks from within.

This is not to say that having goals are not good for us because they are! The trick is not to be fooled that these achievements alone will help you achieve a sense of happiness and wellbeing. Inner happiness will only come from truly embracing your greatness and enjoying the journey of reaching for goals—not by measuring your worth only once you “get there.” You deserve to love yourself starting right now, and, with these tips, you’ll be well on your way.

10 Self-Esteem Boosters


1. Make Self-Esteem Unconditional: There are no pre-conditions to your self-worth. You are beautiful and worthy no matter what. Your worth as a person does not depend on you losing those nagging 15 pounds, getting into your top choice school or find the love of your life. While each is a worthwhile pursuit, you are just as worthy on the journey as you are if and when you reach the destination.

2. Quell Your Inner Critic: Talk to yourself as you would a best friend. Too often we say things to ourselves we would never dream of saying to anyone else. Beating yourself up when you fall short or feel down will only cause anxiety and degrade your sense of self-worth. Instead of immediately resorting to negativity, focus on unleashing your inner nurturer instead of your inner critic.

3. Think Rationally: The quality of your thoughts reflects the quality of your life; as such, healthy thoughts underlie healthy feelings. Thinking in black and white, all-or-nothing ways, such as “I’m stupid” or “He’s a jerk” will make your thoughts distorted and extreme, often leading to anxiety and depression over time.  Sticking to the facts rather than your interpretations will help you to think straight to feel great!

4. Give Up the “If Only” Excuses: There is one thing for sure in this life: The past never changes. Excessive regret is a self-esteem robber, and focusing on what could have been, should have been or how things would have been if you made different choices is pointless and destructive. Instead of reworking the past, focus on what’s next with the lessons learned from abandoned goals and past behaviors. Forgive yourself for not having the foresight to know that which is now so obvious in hindsight and you’ll find that moving forward and growing will be that much easier.

5. Embrace Self-Compassion: When you are self-compassionate, you choose self-kindness over beating yourself up. No success in the world will make you feel better about yourself than being kind and self-loving.

6. Cultivate Mindfulness: While many equate it to meditating and isolation, mindfulnessis actually the art of being present with non-judgmental awareness. It is the art of accepting what cannot be changed and working to cultivate a “beginner’s mind.” Noticing the beauty around you rather than getting lost in the recesses of your critical head will help you see the world mindfully.

7. Take Care of Yourself: All too often we spend so much time caring for others that we neglect our own needs. Refusing to sacrifice our needs for self-care and making ourselves a priority will make us healthier and happier in the long run. Don’t forget to take a few minutes every day to do something beneficial for your mind or body.

8. Assert Yourself: Speaking your mind and finding your voice is vital to self-esteem. Fear of expressing thoughts and feelings over concern about what others think will slowly rob you of your confidence. To practice reinforcing your sense of self-worth, practice using “I” statements to express your thoughts and feelings rather than keeping quiet in fear of criticism and rejection.

9. Develop Strong Connections:  The quality of our support system often correlates with how we feel about ourselves. While no one can give us self-esteem, having strong, supportive familial and friendly bonds help us feel good about ourselves. The best way to grow is not in isolation, but through positive relationships that challenge and change you.

10. Have an Attitude of Gratitude: Grateful people tend to be more self-loving and confident. Those who look for the roses instead of focusing on the thorns will be more likely to focus on what they have rather than what they lack. Make a point to find three new things you are grateful for each day, and write those thoughts in a gratitude journal. You will be more likely to feel whole when you do not focus on the perceived frustrations or disappointments in your life.

Improving your self-esteem and embracing your greatness will help you truly love yourself and love your life. While it may not come natural to all, focusing on self-care and positive self-talk will allow you to recognize all that your body and mind can achieve and will help you slowly improve how you view yourself. After all, don’t you deserve to be happy, to love yourself and appreciate yourself as you are right now? We think you do.

About the Author Judith Belmont, M.S., L.P.C., is an online mental health coach and offers motivational interactive presentations. She is the author of seven books, including “Embrace Your Greatness: 50 Ways to Build Unshakeable Self-Esteem” and the Anxiety and Stress Solution Card Deck. Her website, Belmont Wellness, offers free self-help handouts and worksheets.
]]> Getting Through the Dark Days of Winter https://belmontwellness.com/getting-through-the-dark-days-of-winter/ https://belmontwellness.com/getting-through-the-dark-days-of-winter/#comments Tue, 27 Dec 2011 07:39:41 +0000 http://judybelmont.com/?p=416 Read More »]]>
bigstock-winter-landscape-28013582Getting Through the Dark Days of Winter

Winter is generally regarded as a “season of contempt.” It is often blamed for gloomy moods that range from “the blues” to a bonafide mental disorder called Seasonal Affective Disorder (known as S.A.D.) that affects up to nearly 10 per cent of the U.S. population or over 20 million people  (increasingly predominant as you go further north).  Reasons for mild seasonal blues are blamed on coping with the cold and inclement weather, feeling “cooped up”, being too sedentary, feeling isolated, as well as suffering from a lack of light. In fact, in the case of the more severe Seasonal Affective Disorder, the treatment of choice is artificial light therapy, along with treatment with anti-depressants.

This winter does not have to be doom and gloom, if you prepare yourself with a winter survival mindset.  Here are some tips to beat the winter blues:

  • Gloomy Days Do Not Equal Gloomy Thoughts.  Dark, cold days do not make us feel depressed or stressed.  Those thoughts come from inside our heads and we ourselves determine how we perceive things on the outside.  It is our “take” on events outside of ourselves that can mess us up!
  • Don’t Wish It Away – Instead of thinking that you won’t be really happy until spring breaks again, use this time wisely to develop a stress resilient personality that builds on a blue mood to help you become more introspective, insightful and aware of yourself.  Emerge from the winter a more highly developed “YOU!”   Use the extra time indoors to get some reading done, learn to make a new recipe, or get some other indoor task done that you have been avoiding.
  • Learn From Your Moods – Blue moods have something to teach you if you surrender to them, examine them, and do not regard the moods as Boogie Men.  Consider a blue mood as a light on your dashboard when the gas it low – it is a warning that something needs attention.  What is it?  Famous author,  Elie Wiesel, attributes his ability to get through the dark days of being in a Nazi Concentration Camp to his love of learning, and he claims this focus on learning every day got him through those horrendous times and allowed him to have an attitude of survival.
  • Be Active – Even if it is icy and snowy outside, it does not mean you need to be a coach potato.  Find ways to keep active throughout the winter.  Work out at a home or local gym, join an indoor sports league such as tennis, yoga or basketball, or find outdoor sports that you can do in the snow such as skiing, skating, snow shoeing, or just plain old walking.  The more active you are in the winter, the less weight you will gain, and the better you will feel for staying “fit.”
  • Be Careful What You Eat!  – One reason people feel ‘down’ in the winter is that they do not feel “fit” and their clothes get tighter due to a more sedentary lifestyle, as well as eating in excess during the holiday season, or from just  plain old “emotional eating” due to boredom. Unwanted weight gain affects self- concept and self-esteem, and contributes to depression.  Countless studies have shown that happiness correlates to a positive body image.
  • Be Careful What You Drink!  – It is all too common for people who feel low and bored to use alcohol to drink their troubles away.  Paradoxically, alcohol is a depressant, and the more you drink the more depressed you get overall even though the short term effects of alcohol might be viewed as pleasantly numbing. Avoid binge drinking above all, and misuse of other chemical substances. People who have a hard time controlling their alcohol intake often end up seeking out alcohol rehab
  • Seek Support!  – It might be more of an effort to connect with others, but making efforts to get together with friends and family can ward off the sense of isolation that often comes with the winter doldrums.  The cozy warmth of relationships can keep your heart glowing and provide emotional sustenance during the winter months.
  • Seek the Light!  – You don’t have to have Seasonal Affective Disorder to benefit from making sure you get enough light in your life.  Bundle up in warm clothes and commit yourself to going out for even a short time every day to get some natural light and the Vitamin D that you get from sunlight.  This will likely boost your mood and you won’t get that cabin fever!

If you follow these tips, you will spring into Spring with a lighter step and healthier  mood!

ACTIVITY

To help you cope during the holidays, how about trying to write out some “coping cards?” Take some small file cards and on one side of a card write down any negative thought relating to your holiday stress, and on the other side of the card write a rational and positive response to serve as a reminder when you are stressed.  For example, a negative thought might be, “My mother in law is so rude – I can’t stand being around her!”  The other side of the card can reframe that notion by writing, “I wish my mother in law was healthier and I have a hard time being around her but will see this as a challenge to grow and become more accepting of others who are not like me.”  After you write your cards, you might want to put clear adhesive contact paper to preserve them and then punch a hole in one corner, putting them all on a ring to bind them.  Carry them around in your purse or back pocket to keep yourself grounded!

Note: Coping cards are suggested by Judith Beck, Ph.D. at the Beck Institute for Cognitive Therapy and Research 

 

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